PICKLEBALL and POWER
At the core of my latest athletic obsession is being part of a huge pickleball cohort in West Hollywood that plays in two local parks. Somewhat recently, I’d graduated from clinics and lessons - where I’d been coddled and protected - to the much more intimidating Open Play.
I’d heard a couple stories about a certain player who was not very kind to or tolerant of newer players in that setting. And while I would probably win every award for Most Pickleball Enthusiasm, and while I am getting better every day, I still have a ways to go to be reliably GOOD.
So once I started, every time I played in Open Play, I kept my eyes and ears open for this woman, anticipating (ruminating, really) how it would play out when our paths finally crossed.
I’d decided that she would be mean - not to me, but to someone else in my presence. I’d swoop in with an “Are you ok?” directed to her calmly and coldly, and follow it up with something like, “This is pickleball court, not a research facility where we’re working on the cure for cancer.”
She would stand there, open-mouthed, shocked that anyone had the nerve to stand up to her. Then of course I’d end with the true zinger, “You have absolutely no right to be mean to people on the pickleball court!” which would cause her to slouch away with her tail between her legs, never to trifle with another newbie soul again.
In other words, I would be the triumphant heroine, saving the day and the sport of pickleball from evil monsters, The End.
One recent morning, this woman was finally there in the flesh, and though I did what I could to avoid her (confrontation fantasy be damned!), by the luck of the draw, she and I ended up getting paired to play together.
Here’s what happened:
She was…awesome.
Maybe not super warm out of the gates, but she ended up being lovely. Encouraging, fun, helpful, and a great player (but not so great that I couldn’t hang, by the way!). We hugged at the end of the game!
A couple rounds later, she even called across the court for me to join her in another game. I strutted toward her, feeling positively anointed…
…And kind of like a major asshole for assuming the worst of a person I’d never even met or had an interaction with firsthand.
What I took away from this:
We all want to be liked, and especially in my case, not be seen as lacking in any way, anywhere.
It’s hard not to obsess about what people think, but I’ve written before about the idea that in our dynamic with other humans, almost nothing is personal - meaning how someone acts or reacts to me (or others) is really almost always only about them.
All of our interactions with others are refracted through many lenses - my perceptions and insecurities, and theirs, or simply what kind of day any of us might be having - making things seem way more complicated or loaded than they actually are.
After that same woman and I played together another time a few days later, and I thanked her for asking me to join, she enthusiastically told me, “I always want to play with you - you have the best energy!”
And that was another lesson I learned from her: It’s a fact that not everyone in this world is going to like me, or even be kind to me. But even with that, like a Care Bear I have the ability to consciously direct all the good energy I can muster right from my heart out into the world, and make it a better place, person by person. Do unto others, if you will. The power is in my hands, and on my pickleball court.