LETTING GO
There’s fear, drama, grief, gut punches, loss, heartbreaks, bone breaks, malaise and about a million other things to grapple with on our journeys.
But “letting go” - or having to do so - is a different kind of pain point.
It doesn’t require the deep validation or hand-holding that acute trauma does. You just have to do it when you know it’s time. And you always know when it’s time: like my friend Julie once told me, “You can walk into a dark room and turn on the light. If you don’t like what you see, you can turn it off and back out the door. But you still know it’s there.”
“Letting go” is a surprisingly common phrase. All the personal growth pundits are always saying, “You’ve got to let it go,” or “Just let it go,” like it’s as easy as sliding a coin into a slot machine or dropping my keys on the table next to the door when I walk into my apartment.
But most of them forget to address the major problem, which is I don’t wannnnnna let it go. It’s so comfortable, exciting or stimulating even, to stay where I am, with it, or with him. I don’t wannnnnna do this.
If someone punched me in the face, I would know exactly what to do. If I was in a toxic work environment, I would know exactly what to do. If a partner cheated on me, I would know exactly what to do.
But having to simply let something go is different, because it’s often not an acute thing. It’s an underlying buzz in my head or roil in my gut whispering, “This just isn’t right for you.”
It literally just is what it is. And as a result, it’s more amorphous and more challenging to take action on.
So what IS the action behind letting go? As in, how do you actually DO it?
At first glance, you just muscle through, and DO it. But recently I’ve excavated a few more layers in the “how to” realm:
You let go by being just a little stronger than the old you, who would’ve held on a lot longer.
You let go by being a little more aware than the old you, who wouldn’t have chosen to turn the light on in the dark room just yet.
You let go by being a little more in love with yourself - and your hard-fought-for peace of mind - than you are with the person who you know, in your heart of hearts, will never bring you peace.